If you are a decent-looking girl who is fun and nice to be around, you are probably attracting a fair amount of men in general,
be it through dating apps, your social life, or the workplace.
so I assume that you don’t have a problem attracting guys.
But if you landed on this page, chances are you are complaining that you are always attracting the wrong men.
Guys who are indecisive, unsure of what they want, who play games and send mixed signals, who manipulate, who want the benefit of a relationship without committing to one…and the list goes on.
I deeply thought about this because I suffered from it myself and I know how frustrating and energy-draining it can be.
This post is from the perspective of dating or being in a relationship with the wrong person.
We probably all have different definitions of what makes someone wrong for us, but the common thing about being with the wrong person is a deep sense of unhappiness and an absence of fulfillment.
So if this is how you are feeling right now…this post is for you.
Let’s dig into it…
#1. You don’t have standards when it comes to who you let into your life
Let me explain what I mean by this.
As I said, if you are decently looking, you are probably attracting men…all sorts of men…
The real problem is that you are letting all sorts of men into your life, to become part of it.
You don’t filter out who you give a chance to.
The reality is that all women, even the high value women, attract all sorts of men, including the wrong men.
The difference is that high value women have standards of who they choose to put some energy on and give a chance to,
They learned how to spot the red flags very quickly and see right through the BS and don’t hesitate to cut these men off immediately. It is that simple.
But when you ( or even me not so long ago) are approached or even dating a guy,
you are not focused on assessing him and finding out about who he really is beneath the surface.
You are more focused on trying to be liked by him too.
You may have a tendency of idealizing a guy and amplifying his good traits in your mind and ignoring his negative traits as if you almost don’t want to see what is wrong with him.
You tend to believe obvious lies and exaggerations, all this because you want to believe it’s real.
From experience, what you are doing is deceiving yourself because you really trying to fill a hole in your life you think only a man can fill.
Examples:
- Finding regular common interests is a sign that he is the one and that you were meant to be together when you probably share those interests with 70 % of potential mates.
- Seeing that he is a gentleman when he picks up the check on the first date when probably 80% of the guys would pick up the check anyway, and it does not mean they are gentlemen. Everyone can manage to come across very nice in the early days, on the first few occasions, although there are some innocent things people can do which reveal who they really are and what they are about, this can only be spotted by women who are tuned to their senses and are looking for these innocent yet revealing signs.
- Accepting certain behaviors even when they make you feel uncomfortable or clearly conflict with your values.
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#2. You are desperate
Maybe you haven’t had enough attention from men in the past.
Maybe you have been single for too long, maybe you are in a hurry to find someone because you feel behind in life.
All of that leads to being desperate and needy.
And when you are needy, you see everything around you through your neediness, and this is what causes you to idealize a man, to ignore the red flags and the things you don’t like about him in the early stages of dating.
A high value man cannot stand neediness and usually leaves, but the wrong man will stick around and not treat you well.
He would cheat, lie, deceive, mistreat you, disrespect you, take you for granted…
and what do you do?
You ignore your internal voice and you keep giving him yet another chance until the internal voice is completely shut down and eventually become accustomed to him and his red flags.
Eventually, some of the bad things you ignored resurface and you start complaining that you attracted the wrong guy once again.
If you were not needy and desperate, you would not have to trick yourself into seeing things that did not even exist and ignore what was really there.
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#3. You choose to ignore red flags
Women keep having the wrong relationships because they choose to ignore all the red flags when they see them.
Red flags are sent to you so that you see them, analyze them and act upon what you see.
So when you see a red flag, please do yourself a favor and do not ignore it.
Know that things happen for a reason.
This red flag is only the tip of the iceberg, it will be sooner or later followed by similar or even worse behavior.
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#4. You don’t have confidence in yourself
…To let go one a bad relationship.
When you don’t have enough confidence in yourself, even if you are in a bad and toxic relationship with the wrong guy you choose to stick to him.
You are then left with nothing but a hope that things will change, and that somehow he will be better to you.
But things rarely get better in relationships.
Have you ever asked yourself why do you lack confidence?
Maybe you have a self-esteem issue.
Maybe you fear being alone
Maybe you fear the unknown future.
Maybe you think you won’t be able to attract anyone after you let go of him.
( I believed that 😀 hahhaha, so silly of me and I am the living proof that any woman can attract even better guys after she breaks up with someone who is not right for her ).
I was scared of being alone and scared of what the future might hold for me…
But one day, the toxic person left me, leaving me with no other choice but to face my fear and grow.
This is when I realized that the world is a vast and abundant place and that if you just have confidence and faith that you are worthy of a good relationship and you will attract someone who is even better than your ex because you become a better yourself.
Keep in mind that if you do not make the first move he might do it and leave you when you least expect it, when he finds someone he perceives as better than you.
#5. What you are looking for is out of your league
Sometimes dating out of your league can lead to incredible relationships.
but most cases I came across showed me a different story.
What I noticed is that many men will treat women differently depending on whether they see her as :
- For fun
- Girlfriend material
- Wife material
and what tends to happen is that he would put a woman in the “for fun” category if he perceives her below his league ( not on the same level basically).
so one potential reason why you might be attracting the wrong guys ( who are only wrong to certain women but are perfect gentlemen to other ones), is that you might be looking out of your league.
Now this assessment from men can be based on many things:
It can be looks,
It can be social status,
It can be based on wealth.
It can be based on nationality or ethnicity
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#6. You are not the best version of yourself ( yet)
Or you are not working on it.
For example, you are looking for someone who has his life together but do you have yours together?
You are looking for a good-looking man who takes care of himself but are you taking care of yourself as best as you can?
You want him to be fit and athletic but are you fit yourself?
Likes attract likes.
It may be hard to admit but you may have the same issues as these wrong guys and you need to fix them first before you can attract someone better.
The good news is you can work on that.
Where you are now does not define where you can be in a few months or years.
This is why one of my best dating advice is to say to focus on yourself first and foremost and on becoming the kind of person a man would die to be in a relationship with.
Educate yourself with this program and do the inner work first on yourself and you will see that attracting the right guys becomes easier.
A final note
The first step to take is to stop letting all sorts of people into your life, you can give them a chance and go on one or two dates and make a decision
…do not let it go on for months and months. And while you are dating, be tuned into your senses,
so that you are able to recognize the red flags when you see them and act upon them.
Work on your confidence and worthiness to be able to let go of the wrong men
…not being able to let them go is a manifestation of your lack of self-love and self-confidence
…and finally, if you want a certain type of man in your life, work your way up to become the person that they want to be with.
And,
When you are ready, If you want to step up your dating and relationship game, if you want to learn how to become a high value feminine woman and attract high quality men, check out this self help program.
This program will help you understand the complex dynamics of romantic relationships and show you how to transform yourself in order to become high value.
It will take you deep into a man’s mind and psychology and will demystify what men really want and need in a woman.
You will be better equipped after the program to create the loving and secure relationship of your dreams. Check it out here.
Also, grab your FREE “Attraction triggers in a man” guide.
Thanks for reading this post,
This is an excellent article I personally really like it it’s very modest and true the only thing personally I would say different is the last point it’s a lack of self belief as opposed to be on the same level I know it has the same meaning though it’s just the last title I’m talking about this is brilliant though red flags spot on I would also include children as another reason but spot on excellent work