You are seeing this guy and you feel you are ready to progress this into a relationship.
After all, it’s like you are in a relationship, you do everything like in a relationship but he just does not consider you as his girlfriend/partner.
And when you ask him to talk about it, he just tells you he is not ready for a relationship.
Unfortunately, you are far from being alone as modern men have a hard time committing to one person.
I lived in Paris for a couple of years and although the city counts 12 million people, most of the people I knew were either single or in a situationship.
and I am sure it is the same problem facing New Yorkers Or other big US cities.
Of course, the problem is not the big city.
The problem is that too many options are readily available that men need a much stronger reason to commit than just having a connection or chemistry.
Before I expand on that topic, let’s first talk about what does Not ready for a relationship means from a man’s perspective.
What does “Not being ready for a relationship” mean from a man’s perspective?
Whether a man is conscious of it or not, a man is biologically always ready for a relationship with the One.
Men are ruled by their impulses when the right woman comes along and the very reason they know she is the one is the fact that they feel sooo good around her that the thought of not being ready does not even cross their minds.
So when a man says he is not ready for a relationship, he should really say he is not ready to have a relationship with you.
It is you that he can’t really see himself in a relationship with, not just any woman.
So Why is he not saying that you are not the one, is he lying to you?
Not necessarily,
It is true that most men would know from an early stage of a relationship if they think you are the one or not.
So in most cases, when a man tells you this, he is actually lying to you because he knows you are simply not the one for him.
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But it could very well be that he has been unconsciously rationalizing why he does not feel enough attraction for you or chemistry and convinced himself that he is not ready for a relationship, so he is being totally honest with you when he says that but it is still not the truth…you get me?
Now that we got this out of the way, let’s talk about the real reasons why he might not be ready for a relationship with you?
In my opinion, there are mainly 3 scenarios to this situation:
- He likes you but he is not that into you. He may have liked your vibe at first when he asked you on a date, but after a few dates he realized that he does not have the spark for you, he does not feel that special connection which he needs for him to consider being in a relationship with you.
- He thinks he can do better than you. The grass seemed greener outside and he felt he wanted someone better than you…maybe a better looking, or smarter woman, or someone who takes better care of him and overall makes him feel better about himself. The bottom line is that he does not value you and the time you put into the dating process…which could be because he is blind not seeing your value but it could also be your fault that you gave him too much too early and for free…
- He considers the need to achieve many things before he can be ready to be with someone.
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If he does not want a “relationship”, what does he want from you?
If this was his way of breaking up with you, then he does not want anything from you. This was his exit plan and that was the end of the story.
If he wants to stay in touch and calls you and texts you occasionally, he probably still wants you to stay hooked so that he has a backup plan when he needs you (If he feels insecure at times or simply does not find anyone better…
how convenient to always know there is someone available for us).
If he says he stills wants to see you but does not want to call it a relationship, all he wants is all the benefits of a relationship( sex, knowing that someone cares about him, boosting his ego) but still having the freedom that comes with being officially single and keeping all his options open.
This way he can disappear and not feel guilty about it because he has never promised you anything and has been clear that he is not in a relationship with you.
What does all of this mean for you?
The main problem I see when a man says that he is not ready for a relationship is that he either does not want to tell you the blunt truth that he does not like you or he wants to imply there will be a time when he will be ready for one…which is why we, women tend to hold on to the slimmest chance that he might be ready one day…
I just demonstrated that 99 % of the time, the man does not mean those words, whether consciously or unconsciously. So it is a total waste of time and energy to keep entertaining a connection with him in the hope that he might wake up one day and be ready.
Don’t we say that we “fall” in love? Love is not something that we humans, rationalize and decide when we are ready for. It just happens to us.
So stop believing this nonsense and understand that his words are a disguised way to say that you are NOT the One.
And you should be okay with it, you only need to be the one for 1 man, the man of your dreams, and this guy is obviously not that man.
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How should you react?
Whether he genuinely thinks you are not the one or he does not yet know your value and think he can do better, your reaction should be not to object to his desires or to beg him or to tell him that you will always be there for him should he decide to change his mind.
Check out my blog post on why you should never chase a man.
Your reaction should be to accept his decision but to make it clear that there is no coming back if he walks away, and to mean it.
That way his decision will be on a whole different level of importance if he had the slightest doubt about you in his heart because he will know that there is no coming back, no free options.
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Have you heard of the concept of perceptual distortion?
People in general and men, in particular, have a much-distorted perception of the value of something or someone when they have “access” to it.
Your proximity makes you seem very easy to get and makes them believe that it is within reach to have someone like you around them.
In order words, they take you for granted (and that could be your fault that you did not show your value to him through your actions and standards).
Unfortunately, the only way for a woman to restore her value in the man’s eyes is to let him go and experience the outside world.
He needs to realize ( and be convinced) that he lost you in order for him to see your value again ( which can take time…but it does not matter…you could meet someone much better while he is “realizing”). You might want to read “How to make him regret losing you”.
If this does not help him recover his sight, it just means he never really saw any value in you.
If it happens that he still wants to see you but makes it clear that he does not want a relationship in any form or shape, you should be strong enough and have enough confidence to walk away from this indecent proposal immediately.
This type of man is a complete waste of time.
You should be convinced that you only deserve someone who is all in, nothing less.
And,
When you are ready, If you want to never ever be in such a position, having to deal with someone who pretends to be “not ready”, If you want to step up your dating and relationship game and become a high value feminine woman, check out this self help program.
This program will help you understand the complex dynamics of romantic relationships and show you how to transform yourself in order to become high value.
It will take you deep into a man’s mind and psychology and will demystify what men really want and need in a woman.
You will be better equipped after the program to create the loving and secure relationship of your dreams. Check it out here.
Also, grab your FREE “Attraction triggers in a man” guide.
Thanks for reading this post,