We all react to breakups differently.
Some of us find it easier than others to get over an ex quickly and move on.
Some will try to conquer their ex back, and some will literally get stuck in between.
If you belong to the second and third category of women, chances are you are really struggling to get over your ex, you probably are in a lot of pain (which is very normal) that does not seem to fade away and you might even think it is the end of the world.
You might not believe it right now, but a few months down the line, you will realize that life goes on and that losing person is just part of life.
In the meantime, there are certain steps that you can take that will make your post breakups transition easier and help you effectively get over an ex,
which is what this post is about.
1. Know that it is a process
And by definition, a process has a start date but more importantly a finish date.
When you are going through a breakup and trying to get over an ex, you usually do not see the end of it, you believe you will be miserable for the rest of your life. That is how serious breakups are,
and it almost does not matter if you have already experienced breakups before because you are so deeply hurt that you believe this time you won’t survive it.
That is how it felt for me anyway.
In retrospect, I think it would have made things easier for me to know that a breakup is like any other process in life, and by definition, has a start date and a finish date.
It is only normal to feel pain when you separate from someone you deeply cared for and shared so much with, but know that this pain will not last forever.
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2. Believe that you can do better
One of the causes of deep pain in a breakup is the idea that you cannot do better, you cannot even do the same again (He was exactly what you were always looking for and that you just lost your ONLY chance to be really happy in your life).
I believed so and I can tell you right now that this is 100 % wrong.
You see, we are 7 billion on this planet.
And although I know statistics do not matter to individual situations, among 7 billion people, your ex CANNOT be the only person who could make you happy and I can assure you there are many others who share most of the traits that you found attractive about him.
The only thing for you to realize is that you need to give yourself a chance to see what is really out there for you.
Because while there are certain men exactly like him and even better than him, they are not necessarily actively looking for you.
For the magic to happen, you need to become intentional about your love life and follow a two stages process with discipline.
Seneca said:
Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity
And that is exactly what you need to understand.
No more leaving your love life to chance. You need to 1. be prepared and 2. Create opportunities
Being prepared means you need to first focus 100 % on yourself improving every inch of you (which I discuss further in point 5).
And second, you need to go to places you have never been before in order for you to meet people you have never met before.
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3. List all his flaws
Trust me, you might think that your ex was perfect and that he had the best qualities ( we tend to amplify this belief when we lose the beloved one), but he is no better than the rest of the human race.
Everyone has flaws and your ex is no exception.
What you need to do is that you need to side down and force yourself to write down on a piece of paper all your flaws.
You won’t believe how liberating this can be until you do it.
And even if you feel unable to do it right now because all you can see is how perfect he was, you should just trust me and start your list.
You will see that the more you write, the more of his flaws you will admit to yourself.
This will help you start seeing your ex as he really is, a very normal person, and will reinforce your belief that you can do better than him.
4. Reconnect with yourself
A breakup is a perfect time to reconnect with yourself.
You may have given up certain hobbies while you were in a relationship with your ex.
Now it is time to get back to old hobbies that you enjoyed doing or explore new ones, do it with the intention that you might not immediately find something that excites you, and that it is part of the process, but you will eventually find something that occupies your mind and fill your schedule.
Also, do things that you know make you happy, even and especially when you do not feel like it.
For example, you can treat yourself to a nice meal or go shopping and buy those shoes and bags that you always wanted or go on holiday to a destination you always wanted to go to. ( Check out some of the best hotels and resorts for singles )
You will soon realize it is so much fun to be single again, you are free to do whatever you want, you do not have to compromise on anything.
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5. Take care of yourself
Tough times can have a serious impact on our well-being.
We may lose sleep, or appetite, develop bad habits like smoking or drinking, but it is during those times that we need to support our health and well-being the most.
So try to pay attention to what you eat, get enough sleep, and go exercise at the gym or outdoors.
Consider getting a makeover to help you regain confidence in yourself like getting a new haircut or a new wardrobe.
6. Study your failure
You know that more often than not there is no smoke without a fire.
I know for a fact that often the origins of a breakup can be traced back months or even years ( for those who were in long-term relationships) before it actually happened.
So it might be worth sitting down and reflecting on the different events and circumstances that led to this breakup.
This is because failure is usually just feedback from life that you were doing something wrong and going in the wrong direction.
A breakup is also very rarely one person’s fault so it is important for you to try to understand how each of you contributed to this situation and try to learn from it in order to improve yourself for future relationships.
Were you in the wrong relationship from the beginning? Are you noticing a pattern of attracting the same type of guys who end up dumping you?
Did you feel at some point that there was something wrong in the relationship and you decided to ignore that feeling?
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7. Get busy
If you always wanted to join a cooking or a salsa class, or whatever you had in mind, post-breakup is the perfect time to do it, because it will fill a lot of spare time you have and will almost keep you away from rumination and overthinking.
I remember starting to going to salsa classes as a way to fill my time after a breakup without being too excited about it.
After a few weeks, I started enjoying it more and more and making new friends from the salsa class, until a fell in love with it and became addicted to it.
It became a lifestyle for me for the following 3 years and even part of my identity today (It all started as a way to fill my time).
You might feel you have no energy or desire to learn something new or to interact with new people but as soon as you start, you will enjoy it more because you will start experiencing the benefits of it, and who knows, you might meet your next one there.
8. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you
It is important to surround yourself with people who really and truly care for you when you are going through a breakup.
They are the only ones who can take the time to listen to you, who can understand and feel for you, who can support you unconditionally.
It is equally important to stay away from superficial relationships because they will make you feel worse about yourself.
They will pretend to listen to you and to support you but often they don’t really care.
They usually only want to have a good time and will get bored very quickly of you if you are no longer fun to be around.
It is also perhaps time to clean up your social circle from friendships that do not serve you.
Get rid of fake people.
Please comment below if you agree or disagree or want to add something to this post.
And,
When you are ready,
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Thanks for reading this post,