The concept of friends with benefits sounds great. You have a friend of the opposite sex.
Both of you are single and need sex. You decide to get into an FWB relationship so you can fulfill your needs without the unavoidable drama that comes with dating.
Amazing right? Well, theoretically, yes.
However, in reality, things might not be so great.
FWB seems like the best of both worlds but, when something can go wrong, it usually does.
Realistically speaking, friends with benefits is quite harsh, and more often than not, it’s the woman who experiences the hard part of it.
Let’s find out why friends with benefits isn’t a good idea for women.
- It Benefits Mainly Men
If you’ve ever thought carefully about the concept, friends with benefits almost always benefit men.
Think about this for a minute. You’re in a bar, and there are about 100 men in there. Looking closely, how many of them would you sleep with?
If you said maybe three, consider this; while talking to them, one may come off as rude, and the other may end up smelling not so nice.
Now, you’ve got one left, and you might sleep with him only if he doesn’t screw things up. The truth is, it’s incredibly hard for men to have sex. Yeah, you heard that right. And this is the reason why men aren’t picky at all on who to have sex with.
Unfortunately, most women don’t know this and will think that:
– A man must find you likable before he sleeps with you
– He must feel a connection before he sleeps with you
– You must be above average if he wants to sleep with you.
All these ideas are incorrect. Men have to jump through too many hoops to get laid, and they can’t afford to be picky.
On the other hand, women can afford to be picky. Get into a dating site, try swiping positive on several men without evaluating their profile.
Make sure your profile says you’re only after sex and approve all men. Now watch the drama that ensues.
By having a FWB relationship, all you’re doing is selling yourself short and benefiting the man.
- When there is sex, there’s bonding
We mentioned that men cannot afford to be picky about who to have sex with within the previous point.
That said, they will have sex with a woman even if she’s unattractive, uninspiring, shallow, or stupid.
However, women are built differently. Women will most likely bond with someone they’re having sex with. Yes, some can separate sex from their emotions, but they’re very few.
According to science, during sex and orgasm, men and women release the ‘love hormone’ or Oxytocin.
It relaxes us, calms us down, and reduces anxiety. This hormone is also responsible for bonding. When the man is having an orgasm, his body releases more dopamine, which is a pleasure hormone.
On the other hand, women experience higher levels of oxytocin and as a result, the effect of oxytocin isn’t as strong in men as it is in women.
This is why women are more likely than men to bond or form a level of emotional attachment during sex.
As a result, the concept of friends with benefits for a woman is cruel. The man will get what he wants- great sex with no commitment.
- You eventually get jealous
There’s nothing wrong with safe, amazing sex. But, as we’ve said previously, two people may start off wanting a FWB relationship free of commitment, and then one person may end up catching feelings.
Most times, it’s the woman who does. Evolving is normal for any human being, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
But, since you’re both friends, you will get to hang out with other people, and you might find your ‘partner’ flirting or even making attempts to date other people.
While this isn’t a problem for some women, it might trigger jealousy even if you know that you’re logically not in a monogamous relationship.
Keep in mind that sex isn’t the way to a man’s heart, and no matter how much you give it to him, it’s not reason enough for him to stay in a relationship.
- It’s a huge waste of time and energy
A friends with benefits relationship is defined by a lack of boundaries.
There are no titles, no commitment, and no rules, so the relationship remains ambiguous.
Everything goes in an FWB relationship, so even when you make out today with your man-friend or have phone sex with him tomorrow, he might and can go out on a date with someone else whenever he chooses.
Relationships such as these will rarely turn into happy, healthy relationships.
Once you’ve started a relationship that isn’t defined by any rules, it’ll be hard to go back and create them.
Humans are created to have uplifting, edifying, and healthy relationships.
When this one comes to an end, you will realize that you’ve put your energy, time, and emotions into a situation that encourages disrespect, selfishness, and lack of responsibility.
Unless your FWB is a secret, you might end up putting off potential dates or partners.
Even when you tell yourself your emotions can’t be involved, or you’re open to a different relationship, other people looking at what’s going on might interpret it differently and wonder if you are the right person to be in a relationship with.
- It rarely turns into something serious
Someone will eventually get tired of the entire situation and call it off.
There’s no way around it. Even if none of you develops feelings, one of your will eventually decide they’ve had enough, start a relationship with someone else, or even move out of town.
No matter how amazing the sex is, there’s always one person who will cut off your friends with benefits relationship.
Once this happens, things will get awkward, or someone could suffer heartbreak.
A friends with benefits relationship is too ambiguous or undefined for those involved to turn it into anything else than what it is- nothing serious.
To Wrap It Up
There’s a pretense of equality when women say they’re in friends with benefits relationships.
Being in such a relationship doesn’t make a woman’ strong’ or ‘tough.’ While it may make you look liberal, the truth is you have to face the reality that as a woman, you’re the one that’s giving up way more than you’re getting in return.
For the man, FWB is the perfect arrangement. But, for the woman, it’s a pandora’s box waiting to be opened.
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